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Like life, only shorter
Basic Account [Gift] Created on 2003-01-22 13:56:51 (#867132), last updated 2012-05-22
- 1,280 Journal Entries
- 6,644 comments received
- 8,771 comments posted
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- 3 Memories
- 1 Virtual Gift
- 10 Userpics
Recent V-Gifts [View all V-Gifts]- Party Balloons
Basic Info| Name: | Alfred Armstrong |
|---|---|
| Birthdate: | 05-24 |
| Location: | Great Torrington, United Kingdom |
| Website: | Likemind Web Services |
BioAlfred is said to resemble a baby kitten on stilts, adrift in a world of strange and magical happenings. At the age of 14 he invented the verb "to floss" and has been living on the royalties ever since. He wishes he had bigger hands. Whenever he is troubled or unhappy, he burns a village. He lives in a castle made of fairy gold, with 200 rooms, none of which has a door.
Thinking about bad things makes him want to tear the corner off a very big envelope that formerly belonged to goalkeeper Bruce Grobelaar. He has been known to turn off the television and go in search of a cheese sandwich. He has a secret power, but he does not know what it is. His baggage was packed by somebody else.
Rumours abound of his misdeeds, but he couldn't care less about them. He does not have any elder siblings since he had them pecked to death by day-old chicks. He is constantly surprised by how much love there is in the world, despite his efforts to do away with it. He can whistle, but chooses to pretend that he can't.
Everywhere he goes, he is followed by a man disguised as a carpet. Engineers plan to build a replica of him on the moon, 154 feet tall and covered in perspiration. He has the colouring of an owl. It is often assumed that a man of his talents must be modest, but he disproves this every time he opens his mouth. He lost his job as a gravedigger after he repeatedly buried his spade.
If he has one flaw, it is his inability to prove the Goldbach Conjecture. He is survived by himself.
Thinking about bad things makes him want to tear the corner off a very big envelope that formerly belonged to goalkeeper Bruce Grobelaar. He has been known to turn off the television and go in search of a cheese sandwich. He has a secret power, but he does not know what it is. His baggage was packed by somebody else.
Rumours abound of his misdeeds, but he couldn't care less about them. He does not have any elder siblings since he had them pecked to death by day-old chicks. He is constantly surprised by how much love there is in the world, despite his efforts to do away with it. He can whistle, but chooses to pretend that he can't.
Everywhere he goes, he is followed by a man disguised as a carpet. Engineers plan to build a replica of him on the moon, 154 feet tall and covered in perspiration. He has the colouring of an owl. It is often assumed that a man of his talents must be modest, but he disproves this every time he opens his mouth. He lost his job as a gravedigger after he repeatedly buried his spade.
If he has one flaw, it is his inability to prove the Goldbach Conjecture. He is survived by himself.
ConnectInterests (38):
amanda m ros, b s johnson, beer, being alfred armstrong, bobby previte, bonzo dog band, boring computer shit, captain beefheart, christopher priest, coen brothers, electronic music, frank harris, fred lane, goya, john zorn, kurosawa, lewis carroll, matisse, max beerbohm, modern art, nectarine no 9, oscar wilde, peter cook, philip k dick, photography, picasso, pixies, rembrandt, stefan themerson, strange books, that there, the fire engines, the klf, tim powers, velazquez, weird books, wendy carlos, witold gombrowicz
Friends [View Entries] Friends (102):
_moggy_, actually_not, addedentry, alagbon, atommickbrane, axiomaximum, bagrec, bentpole, besskeloid, bis0nfish, bisonfish, bluedevi, bonsai_human, box_of_omnium, brain_opera, burkesworks, caf_pow, camies, class_worrier, d_sameboy, dermfitz, doetja, dukebox, earthelectrode, facehead2k, fawn_again, femme_letale, flaneurette, formulaic666, fortuneandglory, gasboard, gobserver, hengist_pod, hideoustricks, hoshuteki, hostspeak, huskyteer, iancstewart, jermynsavile, jimyojimbo, keatons, ladymarmite, land_girl, loveandgarbage, maccy, mal1, mammadibiba, mcgazz, minnesattva, miramanga, miss_newham, moleintheground, moody_kant, moose_noise, mrdankelly, mrs_overall, mrscomedyarms, muffledsqueak, my_name_is_anna, my_red_dream, myfirstkitchen, mzdt, neil_scott, nicbone, nja, omnijournal, ortho_bob, ovarypunchface, ozgirlabroad, piercepenniless, pylonography, quotegolem, rhodri, rmarsden, rosamicula, scissorkicks, sexyworld, sherod, slackhack, smakake, song_of_copper, squaddie67, steveeeee, steviecat, stimps, strange_powers, substitute, szyslak, tao_, tenquiddity, the_heiress, the_space_eater, toocritical, trixie_bacon, ultraruby, verlaine, webofevil, weissesmaedchen, whizzerandchips, worldofagwu, wringham, zsa_zsa_zsa_zsa
Mutual Friends (78):
_moggy_, actually_not, addedentry, alagbon, atommickbrane, axiomaximum, bagrec, bentpole, besskeloid, bis0nfish, bluedevi, box_of_omnium, brain_opera, burkesworks, caf_pow, camies, d_sameboy, dermfitz, doetja, dukebox, facehead2k, fawn_again, femme_letale, flaneurette, formulaic666, fortuneandglory, hideoustricks, hoshuteki, hostspeak, huskyteer, iancstewart, jermynsavile, jimyojimbo, land_girl, maccy, mal1, mammadibiba, mcgazz, miramanga, miss_newham, moleintheground, moose_noise, mrdankelly, mrs_overall, mrscomedyarms, my_name_is_anna, my_red_dream, myfirstkitchen, mzdt, neil_scott, nicbone, nja, omnijournal, ortho_bob, ovarypunchface, ozgirlabroad, rhodri, rosamicula, sherod, smakake, squaddie67, steveeeee, steviecat, stimps, strange_powers, substitute, szyslak, the_heiress, the_space_eater, toocritical, ultraruby, verlaine, webofevil, weissesmaedchen, whizzerandchips, worldofagwu, wringham, zsa_zsa_zsa_zsa
Communities [View Entries] Watching (12):
_we_are_normal, bookhell, darksideofebay, guidedmissile, localkooks, mad_fuckers, peter_cook, phroogle, pointyheadboss, psychoceramics, shams_of_sion, thecompanyofmen
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Feeds [View Entries] Watching (16):
